இன்னும்
வெளியிடாத என் சிறுகதை ஒன்றை தில்லியில் பேராசிரியையாக உள்ள ஒரு தோழியிடம் அனுப்பி
கருத்துக் கேட்டேன். அதை உங்களிடம் பகிர்ந்து கொள்கிறேன். வேறெதற்குமல்ல, அழகாக
விமர்சித்திருக்கிறார் - கொஞ்சம் பாராட்டி, கொஞ்சம் திட்டி... (கதையின்
தலைப்பு: டென்னிஸ்)
Remarkable. Sustains interest till the end and lively narrative. A few
kafkasque moments (prof
not recognising or father not confronting the daughter in the evening). The
narrative moves through traces of the surreal to the magical and the suppressed
concious real. I found the form and your crisp craft very engaging. As far as
the narrator is concerned, but for that one self conciously dropped phrase,
manushi, at the beginning, it's tough to take in a feminine voice in the story.
The gender identity of the narrator doesnt coalesce with the voice of the
narrator. It reads more like a man writing as a woman and well, not succeeding!
The image of the stalker is deliberately foisted upon a shy, reticent girl who
shows off a little bravado now n then--and when she does that--is not convincing.
So the cat is out of the bag--a male writer masquerading as a female narrator
but retaining the male gaze, sensibility and a steely, restrained veneer of a
macho sportsman! Liked the story but felt you have experimented with the
narrative/narrator without keeping the male writerly voice off the radar!
Thanks for sharing Abilash. A nice post lunch treat for me) :
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